I have been frustrated. I am frustrated. In fact I think I have been avoiding updating this blog because there has been no resolution to the confusion and frustration I have been feeling, and I try my hardest to be positive and share what I have learned through each obstacle that I face, but it has been hard for me to be positive. This is something that I don’t like to admit because when I think about myself I like to see the image of a strong woman who when faced with adversity chooses to see the good and stand firm in her faith, rather than being weak, defeated, and lonely. Lately though I have realized that I have also been selfish. I’ve been selfish in not sharing my struggles as they have come and not expressing the raw emotion I have felt. My purpose for writing this blog is ultimately to help other people by hopefully reaching people who in some way have felt the way I have felt and through reading my story they have a glimmer of hope.
All I want to do in life is use the gifts that God has given me and touch peoples lives. Plain and simple, I want to Make A Difference. I have dreams. My dreams may not be as clear and definitive as others who have dreamed of being a Doctor or a Soldier their whole lives, but my dreams are still my dreams and I plan on fulfilling them even if at this moment I couldn’t tell you how or what path I have to take in order to fulfill them, or even to fully understand the extent of these dreams.
The truth is that by the time I discover these dreams of mine I probably will be living them, heck I am probably living them now, actually I know that I am. A big struggle that I have is not realizing that each moment I face and each person I speak to is an opportunity for me to live my dreams of making a difference. Sometimes I get stuck in this idea that in order for me to make a difference I have to accomplish something large or more concrete like starting a non-profit or being a youth director. And maybe someday I will accomplish something as such, but maybe I wont.
In todays world its hard to feel successful if your resume doesn’t make someone say “dang this person has done a lot,” (not saying that mine doesn’t) (by me adding in that previous note I think it further shows how much we want to feel accomplished, as I clearly didn’t want someone reading this to assume that because of my statements it infers that my resume is not impressive..just think about that) but what isn’t on a resume is the time that you befriended the new guy or girl, the time that you stayed up late talking to someone who was struggling with depression, the time that you shared your testimony, all the times that you smiled at strangers, the times that you text, call, or write a friend just to let them know that you care, for some reason all these moments become insignificant. I think these are the most significant moments of my life. I think what I am realizing is that if I put all of these moments together it would be pretty obvious that I am in fact making a difference. I may struggle to see why I am in the position I am right now, and I may be frustrated and feel insignificant, but that doesn’t mean that I am.
I don’t know your dreams, I probably don’t know what you’re going through, but I’m pretty positive that I can say that YOU too have made a difference. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you are NOT insignificant. You have purpose. The beautiful thing is that each day you are given countless opportunities to continue to make a difference. Don’t sell yourself short. God is using you, just let Him.